Where am I going? Roadmap to everywhere

When you first start, the movement is imperceptible. Every day is an entire adventure, complete with discoveries, achievements, failures and closure. Every night you are tucked in to bed with no worries, no overarching plans, problems or liabilities; content. And yet there is movement.

Slowly but surely we grow; and as we age, we realize we are moving into a giant funnel, impossibly wide at first, but narrowing towards its event horizon somewhere beyond our ability to perceive. As we continue to age, to mature and to grow in our mental faculties, we realize that this cone is narrowing too fast, given how far away the end is. Then we hit high school and the funnel changes, it singular sloped wall surrounding us becomes suddenly much less sloped - almost parallel to our intended trajectory - and angles perfectly towards the apex of the cone. Life is good. Our boundaries are well documented and easily mastered. We are limited, but in our limits we are the lords of our own existence. It is at this time that we realize where the cone; the funnel of our life is leading us. This sieve in which we are inexplicably trapped is a one-way course to college.

The last few months, then weeks, then days of high school slide away and we are jettisoned from our funnel into the college world only to realize that it was not a funnel at all. This was no sieve, dropping us down towards a focal point, nor was it a funnel containing our possibilities until we were deposited in some metaphorical can or cup. No, this model which has dominated our life was a volcano, not guiding but expelling us with a force far beyond our reckoning out of the protective earthen shelter of our youth into the wild airs above and - ultimately - into the depths of space. For, once the dust settles, the roommate agreements are signed, the boxes are unpacked, the schedules are memorized, the books are bought and the last leaves of Autumn give way to the frosts and snows of Winter; it hits us. The funnel of our life is gone, and we are left not at a destination but at a starting point. We are stranded floating in space, capable of moving in any one of a million directions towards even more numerous goals, dreams and aspirations. Yet those goals, dreams and aspirations; those goals are like the stars of the concrete ether that surrounds our own planet: radiant and unwavering, but distant and cold. Uninhibited by the funnel, we are now free to pursue anything, but no matter what we strive for, those stars never seem to get closer. There is never a map or road sign to tell us how close we are, or whether we have made a wrong choice.

We are given the unique choice of creating our own future. This is our blessing and our curse. We must decide who we will become, where we will go and what we will achieve. All of this will be accomplished entirely and unequivocally by ourselves; by who, what and where we are know and whatever scars we pick up along the way.

We must pursue those stars by ourselves, and have the courage to keep on going year after year, even when we never get any closer. That is life. Realizing that we will never actually get there, but that the true accomplishment is the view back of how far you have come; that is living well.

Decisivity (Is that a word)?

College is a cruel, ironic way of proving to a person they really don't know what's going on in the world, much less in their lives. You may think you want to major in this or that, something scientific or something in the fine arts; or perhaps something in humanities, or social sciences or business or any one of various majors offered by most major institutions around the country. But how does one decide what is right for them? Dollars are an influence (usually when there are more of them, but some people might prefer a simpler existence... maybe), but most people I know have their majors because of their interest in the subject area. They like psychology, linguistics, engineering, architecture, and all of the other sundry degree paths they have chosen.

But how do you know?

I thought I liked architecture. I was fascinated by skyscrapers. I have great spatial awareness and visualization. But, I hate architecture. This decision took me a year of college to realize, and I wouldn't have come to that conclusion had it not been for some very insightful people helping me see the truth for myself. Since then, I have thought about everything under the sun (I never thought of being an astronaut, so over the sun or around the sun occupations were out of the question). I thought I might be a good lawyer, I considered teaching history, and I had an interest in business - specifically real estate. However, how do I separate the truth from my own preconceived notions; how do I tell what a lawyer/professor/businessman actually does and is, as compared to my innate ideas of what they "should be."

You can't. That much I have figured out.

There is no way to tell for sure what one will like as a profession until you are in it. We cannot sample everything adequately to make an informed decision. Ironically, the decision we do make - even when it relies on quite a bit of hope and luck - is immensely mentally reassuring. Having a major, a future and a plan - no matter how legitimate - grants so much more security than not having one that I really do feel bad for those undecided chaps, they might be balding faster than I am if they really spend over a year living in that state of constant confusion.